All Access Pass #2 – Dane Cook and Ricky Gervais; or, Of Crab Legs and Famous Venues

[Michael Grinspan]

The biggest performance of the 2009 New York Comedy Festival last night were shows by Dane Cook – featuring Gary Gulman, Bill Bur, Robert Kelly, Mike Epps – and Ricky Gervais – featuring, we kid you not, Elmo – both of whom totally blew their crowds away, which really is saying something, because Dane performed at the sold-out Madison Square Garden and Ricky performed – again, we kid you not – at Carnegie freaking Hall! Amazing show! Here’s how it all went down.

7:05 PM – Show up at Madison Square Garden as it starts filling up. That space is huge! Big enough that you could hold, like, a professional basketball game in there if you wanted!

7:07 PM – The stage was in the center of the arena, set up like theatre-in-the-round. Very Shakespearean. Would’ve been hilarious if Dane had faked everyone out and just went up there in a period costume and did two hours of soliloquies.

7:09 PM – Spot Gary Gulman (who you probably know from Last Comic Standing) Look at those guns paired with those nerdy glasses. Gary Gulman looks more like Clark Kent than Superman does.

7:10 PM – Your reporter asks Gary if it’s hard to perform in this kind of setting. Exchange goes as follows:

Your reporter: Is it hard to perform in theatre-in-the-round? You always have to be walking around in circles.
Gary: No, its not so bad.
Your reporter: Plus if Dane really wanted to, he could get them to make the stage spin.
Gary: If Dane really wanted to, he could get them to make the stage stationary and have the Garden spin.

7:17 PM – Spot Robert Kelly. Robert and Gary begin to mess around, trying to do some improv. Things get somewhat uncomfortable when Gary wraps his guns around Robert and pretend to be Robert’s arms. That’s when the sexual harassment began.

7:18 PM – Your reporter asks Robert if, because its theatre in the round, he is going to perform some Shakespeare. At that and out of nowhere, Dane bounds into the scene and begins to perform the entire “To Be or Not to Be” soliloquy from Hamlet. Like literally all of it; like, all 30 lines. Amazing. If we had to guess, we’re pretty sure he had to learn it for Employee of the Month.

7:25 PM – Dane poses for a photo with Gray Gulman, Bill Burr, Mike Epps, and Robert Kelly. Note where Gary is looking – our camera. He knows where the real power in that room was.

7:32 PM – Show starts. Gary goes up first, followed by Robert, Bill, and the Mike. Of course, they all knock them dead. And between segments, some of Dane’s famous friends chime in on the jumbo-tron to congratulate him including George Lopez, Jimmy Kimmel, and Sarah Silverman (featured).

7:42 PM – Find the catering room. They must’ve had 20 pounds of crab legs there along with steak, chicken, and miniature cupcakes! I know Dane was billed as the star of the show, but lets be honest, it was the crab legs.

7:59 PM – Robert Kelly delivers what was probably the funniest line of the night: “The only problem with dirty talk is that sometimes real feelings slip into it. Like ‘Oh, f$#k me, f$%k me good you fat, lazy bastard!’ ‘Yeah, you take it. You take it, girl that I am settling for!’”

8:14 PM – Your reporter corners Dane and gets him to say “I categorically endorse www.carolinescomedy.ning.com.” Both Lisa Lampanelli and Dane Cook have now endorsed this site, B T Dubs…

8:33 PM – Dane goes on and just slays ‘em. Some 13-year old boy in the front looks like he has tears in his eyes ‘cause he’s so close to Dane.

9:02 PM – Your reporters rushes over to Carnegie Hall to catch as much of Ricky’s show as he can.

9:15 PM – Enter Carnegie Hall just as Ricky – in a tux – and Elmo – also in a tux – belt out “New York, New Yooooooooork!!!! Thank you! Good night!” Ricky looked good in that tux, but Elmo. Hot stuff! Elmo looked like a red furry James Bond in that thing! Elmo looked so good in that tux that he should probably just wear it all the time, maybe start hosting a Late Night talk show ala Hugh Hefner.

9:32 PM – Backstage rap party. Todd Barry appears and your reporter gets a photo with him. Todd Barry is knee high in person.

9:45 PM – Ricky Gervais saunters in and proceeds to glad hand the room. Everyone actually went silent when he walked.

10:00 PM – Your reporter leaves Carnegie Hall to head over to the Wall Street Journal after party at The Empire Hotel. Exiting out the performers entrance, your reporter suddenly walks into a crowd of 30 waiting fans. Exchange when your reporter walked out of the door:

Fan: The door! Its Ricky…no wait. Its just some dude.
Your Reporter: Um…anybody want an autograph?

All in all it was a hell of a night. Some terrific comedy, some hilarious backstage antics, and more crab meat than anyone could ever eat. We can’t wait for tonight!

Want more? Go to the Comedy Central Insider blog for additional videos, photos, and stories from Ricky Gervais and Dane Cook.

[Dave Thomas]

This show sounds like it was amazing. I wish I was their. A lot of great comedians. Mike Epps is definitely one of my favorites. His new DVD Under Rated...Never Faded and X-Rated is hilarious. Check out some clips here...
http://bit.ly/2GPxh6
Enjoy